Considering adoption as one of your options around your unexpected pregnancy?
Adoption may, or may not, be for you. It may feel overwhelming. We understand. The good news is you are not alone and there are so many great resources available to you in making a decision that is right for you and the tiny human quickly growing inside.
The first step in this, or any decision around your pregnancy, is to gather good information.
Adoption provides an opportunity to continue pursuing the life goals and dreams you have while allowing the 9 months pregnancy process to complete in your body. It is an opportunity to move forward with your life while also seeing your child live out their potential in the family you choose for them.
You may have been told that adoption is a selfish choice. That could not be further from the truth. It is an amazing and brave alternative to an abortion or parenting when you aren’t ready.
The most empowering part is that you are in control.
- You get to decide the plan.
- You will be able to focus on your needs and determine the type of adoption and family you are most comfortable with.
- You can choose an advocate to support you.
- It can provide you peace of mind.
- It is completely free for you.
When you are considering an adoption, you review which adoption plan is right for you! Some choose to have an open adoption where they can stay connected in an organized way. Others choose to have a closed adoption where all information on both sides is completely confidential. Others may choose a mixture of both, called a semi-open adoption.
What is the difference between open, semi-open, and closed adoptions?
The difference between these options is determined by the amount of information, confidentiality, and access between the birth mother, child and adoptive parents both before, during and after the adoption occurs. To learn more about these types of adoptions, click here
How do I decide which type of adoption is right for me?
Like anything in life, there are options. Ask questions. Gather information. Talk with a trusted advisor and friend. If adoption is something you are interested in, it’s important you know all your choices so you can make the best possible decision for you and your baby. Remember, adoption laws differ from state to state.
What feelings will I experience if I choose adoption?
Even though adoption is a selfless act of love, it is an emotional journey. You could experience a complex set of emotions. Here are some feelings you may expect if you choose adoption.
- Highs and Lows: You have delivered a baby. It is only natural to have hormonal shifts.
- Grief: This type of grief is all encompassing. You may feel the grief of not parenting this child, and you may feel grief due to the absence of the child. Sometimes, this grief can resurface over the years as the child grows.
- Guilt: Some women feel guilt that they were not able to parent or chose not to parent.
- Peace: Many birth mothers feel a strong sense of peace over their decision. When they think of their child in the arms of a loving family they chose, it gives them an overwhelming sense of meaning and reward.
- Empowered: Making the decision to adopt is one of the bravest decisions a woman can make when facing an unexpected pregnancy. It allows a birth mom a chance to feel she shared her motherhood with another woman of her choosing. It gives a birth mom a new perspective of herself and of her life direction. She is now able to walk in confidence she has made the right choice for her child and herself.
Remember, if you are having any feelings that are overwhelming, consider contacting a counselor, or attending an adoption support group.
What is the legal process of adoption?
Adoption is the termination and reassignment of parental rights of a child to someone else. This is a process that is done in court to be considered legal. We recommend you consult with a professional for the proper next steps in your adoption decision. The waiting period and process is different in each state.
How does adoption affect my child?
The decision to place a child for adoption is a brave and loving decision. An open adoption typically provides the most peace of mind for those concerned with the adjustment and well-being of their child. Most adoption agencies will provide you many tips on how to ensure the adjustment goes well and can be a positive experience for everyone involved.
Is it irresponsible to make my child someone else’s responsibility?
Focusing on you and your health is responsible. Wanting the best for your child is responsible. Realizing the timing is not right for you, but it might be for someone else, is a brave awareness. Adoption is an extremely mature, selfless, responsible decision and one you can be proud of in the long run.
What is an independent adoption?
An adoption with an attorney and not utilizing any kind of agency is an independent adoption. The decision to have an independent adoption is not common, but it is an option. The adopting couple will still have to do a home study with an agency to ensure the child being placed is going to a safe and prepared home. Most birth mothers find comfort in working with an agency to help them navigate their plan. Remember, adoption laws differ from state to state.
Should I use an agency when making an adoption plan?
You get to choose. Either way there are traditionally no costs to you at all. The pros in using an agency are the ability to have an advocate and some level of privacy as you screen through prospective families for your child. We recommend doing significant research as you decide to go independent or utilize an agency.
Can you refer me to an adoption agency?
We can put you in touch with an agency who can answer all your questions.
Please know we cannot provide you with legal advice since each state has different laws regarding adoption. Also, we are not an adoption agency, nor do we directly participate in the facilitation of adoption.
What if I am not sure about my next steps?
Our best advice is to start with a FREE medical verification of your pregnancy at our clinic. Once you can confirm the pregnancy and how far along you are, we will work though all your questions about adoption, abortion, and parenting.
We don’t just support you in your pregnancy journey; we also support you in your post-pregnancy journey no matter what that may be. In looking at adoptions, it’s important to remember you are in control of your adoption plan. Just be open and honest about your fears, insecurities, and expectations with an adoption professional and they can work with you for a plan that is best for you.